United Jonathan Kingdom

excuse the radio silence peeps but I've had an enforded sojourn to Newcastle and Cambridge where I was somewhat less well off than back here in beautiful croydon.. er hum..

Anyway since last we met the Belgian authorirties have arrested Monsieur Poirot for his activities in the Belgian orphanage and Kryten has regrettably had to teleport back to Red Dward to free Lister's appendage from the vacuum cleasner again.

In their place we have your favourite Eurovision presenters all the way from Italy. Toto Cotugno and Gigliola Cinquetti

Franko: hello both

Toto: ciao

Franko: doesn't thast measn goodbye?

Toto: si

Gigiola (stares blanlkly)" he he

Toto: where isa the bottla brandy? Itsa the only reason I binna coma

Franko: austerity measures measn only official presenters get the brandy Toto.
Shall we crack on with the songs we have a lot to get through. In the best tradition of your benchmark presenting, we're going to follow thre remaining countries haphazardly around Europe, startoing with Englebert from the United Kingdom

Toto: You hava the Janus again?

Franko: No Englebert (shows photo)

Toto (grimaces) he no looka da fun

Franko: It's a good performance and Arlene Phillips choreography is much in evidence. The dancers are great as is the backdrop. I not sure about the last note , I had to take a large gulp of brandy after that. He won't disgrace us as he's a professional but I fear for his chances of doing really well given thsat note and the first place in the draw. Only 3 acts have ever one from first place under the 12, 10, 8 voting system and they were all nonsense songs. a ballad from that position has traditionally not faired well as poor Paradise Oskar found out last year. Still his loss is the Finnish MacDonalds gain....I hear he charges rent for extra services but we won't go there. Apparently Englebert has his fair share of knickers thrown at him. I trying hard not to imagine the crusty, worn undergarments of the Babushki at this point... Toto?

Toto: hesa notta my kinda guy. I lika the good fella if you knowa whatta a mean? You introduca me to the Janus again?

Gigliola: I been meet him many years ago. he did a show in Napoli. He wasa the gentleman. he never beena tell.....

Verdict: He might be looking Blue by the end of Saturday but he might get the odd hump